BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

 1. How can someone who doesn’t live with BPD better understand some of the BPD behaviors?      
The best way to understand people better who have BPD is to educate yourself on the various symptoms. You can find this information in the DSM-V or Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Additionally, you can learn more by seeking out information from a mental health professional. As you learn more  about BPD, you may become more capable of empathizing and understanding what they are going through. While you may not be able to truly understand what they are going through, with more learning and patience, you may be able to become a stronger and more supportive partner.  

2. How can someone with BPD better understand the reactions and needs of their non-BPD partner?     
Someone who is struggling with BPD may have difficulty in understanding other people’s reaction to their behaviors. They may not understand why someone cannot understand their choices, views, or actions. I would say that communication is key.    Communicating your frustrations, confusion, and questions can help you find a middle ground.

3.What are some tips to help partners meet in the middle?    
 As mentioned above, communication is the most important approach to partners understanding one another. Discussing “give   and take” can help two people figure out what they need in the relationship and what they are willing to let go in the spirit of finding middle ground. Think of it by both parties communicating this way: ‘help me help you,’ ‘what is it that you need from me in order to feel better?’

4. What are some relationship challenges that BPD symptoms can create, and what are the solutions to those challenges?   
Those with BPD may suffer from fear of abandonment, mood swings, outbursts, and impulsive behavior. This can lead to the partner feeling helpless, lost, and even abused. The constant  change in emotions can put a strain on both parties. The solution to these challenges is to seek out help. It is often difficult to conquer  this on your own. The person struggling with BDP may need  psychotherapy and medication. Additionally, it is important for  both parties to seek out support as they navigate the ups and downs of being in a relationship with someone who has BPD. 
 
5. What are some tips for improving communication?            
In terms of improving communication, it’s best to emphasize being honest, supportive, and having boundaries with your partner. People with BPD often struggle with boundaries due to being on an emotional roller coaster that includes but is not limited to abandonment fears and intense attachment.  They see boundaries as a form of rejection and therefore, may lash out. It is important to establish healthy boundaries but doing it in a way where your partner understands  where this need is coming from. Seeking out both individual and couple’s therapy  can help both parties develop stronger communication and coping skills.  Learning how to verbalize your thoughts in an empathetic, expressive, and understanding way can help your partner understand where you are coming from. 
 
Here are 5 specific ways that you can improve your communication skills: 
     1.     Make sure that you focus on the problem at hand and not the person you are speaking to. This means that you want to avoid making it personal via insults, mocking tones, or yelling. This defeats the purpose of trying to communicate your feelings. 
     2.     Reflective listening can be useful when trying to solve a problem. Reflective listening includes repeating what your partner said in your own words and allow your partner to tell you if you understand what they mean. Even if you disagree on the statement, you will have a better understanding of their feelings and then they in turn will feel heard. 
     3.     Utilize “I” statements. This allows you to take responsibility for your feelings as opposed to placing the blame on your partner. This can prevent your partner from becoming defensive as if they feel they are under attack. You can say thinking like, “I feel upset about xyz…” instead of, “you hurt me.” Try to avoid blaming your partner since blaming doesn’t lead to a de-escalation of the conflict. 
     4.     Become self-aware of when the conversation is not going in the right direction. If you feel it is getting too volatile or aggressive, take a break. Have both parties do something that relaxes their mind and body before returning to the issue.
     5.  Try to find a compromise. It is common that disagreements happen, and people will not come to an agreement. Therefore, it is beneficial to try and find a solution that will make both parties feel satisfied and okay enough to move forward.

6, How can couple’s therapy help?            
Going to couples therapy could be an effective way to help the relationship. Couples therapy enables both partners to have a safe and neutral space to be honest about their feelings and concerns. A couple’s therapist can guide you by asking the right questions and  to help both parties feel understood and heard. The therapist can mediate, educate, and support both parties as they work towards a more balanced and healthy relationship.

7. What’s your message of hope?             
BPD can be a challenging mental health disorder for both the person diagnosed and their partner. There can be a lot of strain in the relationship as each partner tries navigating through the ups and downs. However, this is not an impossible task. Utilizing different forms of support such as a professional, education resources, and patience—you may be able to work together to achieve a happy medium in the relationship. BPD will be a part of your life but does not have to take over the relationship.